Nothing to be positive about...

When I was working at the Mellow Mushroom our manager had us a little paper to give us something to think about every day. It was always newly taped to the stand, I was a hostess, every day and EVERY day it said that we needed to 86 negativity. In the resturaunt business, if you don't know, to 86 something is to gt rid of it. So we were always supposed to stay positive. Steven wasn't actually that positive of a guy though, if I remember correctly, we had a stafff meeting and everything he saisd the whole time was seriously negative and kind of a downer. But I think a lot of negative people insist that those around them stay positive to sort of lift their spirits, kind of like if you are really not that bright you could hang around with intelligent people and they can fil in all the blanks for you....I am terrible at analagies and not ready for mensa...

So anyway, the facebook has this app that tells you how to do something healthy each day, it sends it to my email, which is great because I don't always see facebook online but i will always check my email. And today it asked for a negative situation that brought about a positive outcome. What an interesting thing for a day such as this. I have a sort of dual sided personality, where, I am almost perfectly saintly on the one hand, and damn near evil on the other. The polar-ness of these two personalities couldn't be any more distinct, or any further and oposing of the other. It is almost like there are two entirley different people living inside of me. ANd one of them,...omg, one of them reallllyyyy doesn't like the other. Hates that person in fact.

Yesterday the ugly side of me got the better of me, and I laid in bed all morning trying to understand where the ugliness in me comes from, and where it goes, because by now, I don't have any idea who the hell that crazy bitch is? Who is the mean and angry person who came out of me yesterday like hurricaine!? I mean it is almost like a storm, there is no better analagy than this, because it stirs up and then bursts forth! And the next thing I know, it is calming, and there are remnants of something terrible, but as it has passed there is no trace of the storm, only the debri? And the sky is clear, and there is nothing left, no clouds, no rain, no fury, nothing. So I lay in bed and I wonder, and I cannot figure out where it came from, or even where it went, my mind is as if replaced by some other person with a sense and knowledge unaccounted for yesterday, suddenly I am no longer stormy, and then I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me!

I think, since I tend to like to read classics, I will get Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde next.But it ios just a story.

So I went to my email and I saw there the little daily reminder, and I am supposed to find a positive outcome from something negative, and I can't think of anything! When did something bad happen and it made things better? Can you think of something like that? I can't. I can't remember anything at all, actually.

I suppose work has improved, I had a couple of rough days last week but by the end of the week things seemed to be picking up,bot business wise and my mood seemed to be improving. I don't think that I know what the point is of complaining, since I have a job and there are people out there who are desperately in need of work right now. I am just a bit of a baby, you know, no one wants to stand for eight hours a day, and I am extra hard on myself for every false thought or feeling and won't tolerate any bad behavior or attitudes towards any one who comes through my line. Otherwise I put myself through terrible anguish, it's that angelic side of me, always trying to be an angel when really I am only human. I think my neighbors must have set their house on fire this morning because I heard an alarm and now I think I hear a fire truck.

Not too bad though because they have left already. So, in other news, I bought three boxesof fully cooked bacon and have found many things to do with it. BLT's, breakfast and quiche are just a few of the easy meals you can just throw on the table with some ready bacon. I made this quiche the other night, it was so easy, bacon mushroom and swiss, and it was pretty tasty, although we are looking for a pie crust that isn't sweet, almost every one you buy has a sweet taste and I want nothing to do with sweet crust when I am eating bacon and swiss! They actually have finely grated swiss at my store, can you imagine! I already told you about this though, didn't I?

I bet fifty bucks....

Lol, you know me, I can't do anything thats not right. And using the P word at all.. Today was a horrible day! It was so long and I was brain dead by the end. The big guy, the head cahoona, looked at me like I was EVIL when I snapped at my co-worker when she asked me where to put a wheel chair.( http://youtu.be/V9--CwUk70Y ) Like, theres a place for it, figure it out! I felt like I was a monster all day. And it got worse and worse until I was either not one of Mother Theresa's own or I needed to take off for home tonight and find a job and come later to collect my things. I am still stuck in the middle of both of those thoughts.

I used to have a daily book of Mother Theresa's. SHe was the nun who was from Calcutta who worked with very poor people, and who died around the same time as Princess Diana. Have you ever noticed deaths come like that. You will lose a few celebrities, a pronces and a saint...you know? When Theresa, my cousin, got sick, I was sure it would end tragically, I knew two people who had only just lost their cousins,and it just seemed like it was my turn to get hit.

SO I came home and ate four cookies, a single pack of pringles, sour cream and onion, and now I'm working on four hershey's kisses with the air holes. I have pms. I have to keep telling myself because I am a super whack job grouchy face right now. I feel hateful!

I have nothing to say. I plan to get creative tommorow. I need to do something worthwhile.

Naw, I eat noodles...

The grocery store is not for me. Just like Mellow Mushroom wasn't for me. Everywhere I work where I am allowed to speak - at all - is not for me. I have a hard time shutting up and I like to entertain people. Really, I should've been a VJ. Today was a most eventful day and I met so many wonderful people, I wish I could tell stories about them all!

Instead, I will talk about the most wonderful visitors today. There was this one woman, she had six kids, and they were all over six, I would say, and some were late in their teens, and they were ALL there. And I was in awe of them and her, and her amazing chinese wallet she said she paid a buck for at the flea market. And her rubbermaide purse she said she paid a buck for at a yard sale. I was thinking this woman is blessed like me. (sometime when I feel like it, I will tell how I got nearly a whole new wardrobe and a bottle of victoria secret perfume for free) She was cool, but she didn't seem to enjoy me as much as I enjoyed her. She was irritated. Six kids. Wow. Speaking of blessings, I got a Jesus Loves You five dollar bill today, twice! It sat on the top of my drawer's stack of fives for like an hour before I gave it as change. I was sad. But then, later a lady came through my line and she was all talkin' about how her daughter asked too many questions, and "Oh! But sometimes I don't even know what to say anymore." I was like, I hear you, my daughter does that too. And she does. Sarah asks lots of questions about all sorts of seriously deep stuff, sometimes deeper than the kids I went to college with. I am awed. I was telling the next lady in line about this as the other left. She has recently been asking me how God was born, not an easy question, and as we were discussing faith, the lady gave me back my Jesus Loves You five dollar bill. I was like, "Oh! I got that earlier!" It was kind of a neat moment.

There was another lady through my line today, her children were seriously neglected. They were covered in skin diseases, their mouths were broken out, the one looked like she was nearly scarred on her face and the ring worm on her arm was so bad it looked like a scrape. I prayed for those children, and I hope you will too. I mean, what do you do? Say stop right there, I am calling the authorities on you?! It was terrible, and the littler one was laughing at me, she didn't understand what was going on and she was pretty old.

Then the noodle dude, man, he was funny. His woman comes through every once in a while. She's in beauty school and today she had a new do, kinda wild, with leopard spots in purple shaved into the side of her head. She was done ringing up and her man was like, not helping her pay for all DAT! He was like, "I ain't eatin none a'that". And I was like, you aren't gonna eat that? He was like "Naw, I eat noodles." And then he told me how to make the most of Ramen. He said add some cheese and butter.

I get a lot of recipes, a lady taught me how to make some tapiocca pudding dessert and someone taught me to make blueberry pie, I was going to make a quiche tonight but got lazy and made BLTs.Taco salad, from a customer. One of my old professors came through and told me where to look for a job. I learned that grits kill ants today, but shhhh, none of the exterminators want you to know that. Yeah, it's real simple. You feed them grits and it expands in them and they blow up. Kills the queen too. I like the job. I just need more money.

I find it really warming and all, and then I have the six-hour-breakdown, at six hours I turn into a f'ing idiot. I don't know why!? I just get a bit sillier and, no...just today I did...and OMG!!! My seventeen-year-old boyfriend came in today and I ducked under my register, lol!!! He's twenty-two now, I think. I really hated to be the one at the register, lol!! OK well, I am just gabbing now. Gots to go, I think I will bake cookies or something :) Chocolate chip. Can't improve on that...

Testing 123

Oh my! Nevermind....

This particular blog was hard to title because I don't really have anything to say, sorry.

I have very little to say. I worked today for like four hours and it felt like a full days work. What a lame, lame day. I think someone spilt raw suage outside my building where I live. I had AMAZING taco salad for dinner. I, um, lost my cork screw. I have killed two cats in the last year. I have the urge to say weird things because thats what they are doing on Adventure Time. I slept in this morning when I was supposed to find another job. My daughter got sequined Uggs. I feel like I am in love with a different person every day. Sometimes its people I dont even know, like Thomas Eddison. I have three children. I used to think certain birds had different meanings, blue birds meant love. I eat a pie a day. I like frogs, and Sarah wants a frog for Christmas. I eat meat. I like steak. I always tell the deepest darkest secrets of my soul after like, two beers. I like music that is so blasphemous. We used to dance to Ministry when I was young. So what. I have three main dance moves, my friends have one. I am bragging. I bought the new Pina Pineapple koolaide flavor today. You should really look up the Really Bad Poetry dude on Live Journal, he's good. I have run out of steam....

Shopping and fantastic finds!

I was fortunate enough yesterday to find myself feeling kind of depressed in the a.m. and so I was forced to try to resuscitate my mood. I even was a bit weepy, which is not uncommon for me at certain times of the month. I took a shower and decided to fix my plight with some good reads. I was thinking about my Women Writers course since I last posted and was excited about Mary Shelley, who I really enjoyed reading, but am not interested as much in the one book of hers I have, which seems to be the only any stores nearby carry, obviously Frankenstain. I have been very interested in and always held close most of my lady reads. I have almost made it a handicap, feeling that there must be something intellectually wrong with me for only wanting to read lady writers. Clearly I am a flake.

Fortunately, I bought two books yesterday and both were by men. And what is even more exciting is that one of those books, so far, has been a real page turning, passion burning masterpiece! Yes, I like my book.

The book is one I had already been introduced to in one of my English courses, probably an American Lit course, by Ralph Ellison, it is The Invisible Man. Coincidentally, the other book I bought was by an author who has his own Invisible Man, the book I bought was, however, The Time Machine , H.G. Wells. It's not one of my favorites because it's gory and scary, but I wanted to see how he wrote because I have only got one horribley boring book of his, a world history deal, and this one is short and it will do for now. But Ellison's book, now that thing has it all. It is elloquent, disturbing, haunting and action packed. It's a long book, I have been through two chapters thus far and have had to take them one at a time.

Omg! What else did I get at the store!! I spent a whopping 12 bucks! Two book, a CD and 2 VHS movies, and a sticker book for Sarah. The Cd, well, I couldn't believe it when I found it I was so excited. It is the soundtrack to a movie that I love thats weird as hell. Welcome to Woop Woop. It has all these old Rogers and Hammerstein songs redone by 90s musicians. Some of them are dance music, (how cool is that?) you will have to look the one up if you are bored and no one is around.(here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6sTn3F1w7k )

That video, I was watching it just now, how terrifying! SO I am dog sitting this week. My gentleman friend has gone out of town and has left me a beer that has yet to hit the market, I am enjoying it now, thank you very much. He is in the beer business. It's kind of a nice coincidence because I just started being into beer as some take to wine. I have been this way for a couple of years, but more so since I worked at Mellow Mushroom and they had an extensive amount to try there. I have had chocolate beer. Can you believe there is a chocolate beer? And would you believe that it tastes like coffee? Who knew? I am partial to my Shock Top rasberry wheat. Its subtle and tasty.

THERE WE ARE IN FUN MIRRORS BATHROOM, GREAT PIC, EH?

Well, mostly I wanted to share about my book. Next time I might have something interesting to say. But it's 1 in the afternoon on Sunday, and I have nothing to do except enjoy my one beer. Oh!! Quick story. Working the grocery store you see folks from every walk of life. The other day a lady was in line behind someone with some beer and she said something deragatory about the purchase. And I said,"weel, even the bible says it's okay to have one drink." And she quizzed me as to where it would say something like that, acted as if it was something old and ignorant and told me that we must all do things according to what our hearts tell us. I said nothing, I only agreed. But I don't live by that rule. I have a wild heart ;) I like a little rulage now and then. So today, a lunch beer. Red Hoptober...

~

I have copied and pasted things and there are a lot of errors but I am done for today so, be patient with me, if you are reading my blogs. I also would like to say that immaturity is ever present in creative types like me, because it is a child who dreams all day, and so I have had to live with my inner child sometimes on the outside.

Just remember, it is a child who dreams all day.